It's that time....that I thought I'd never face

Thinking that I would live this long young life forever is starting to fade away pretty quickly. I thought that I would never get over this party scene and want to stay in college for the rest of my life. When I was younger, I wanted to skip highschool and move straight to college...no questions asked. The thought of going to a place where you can start fresh and find new people who have never known you in your life to accept you for what they see at that moment was a rush for me.

I think it all hit me last night when I went out with my two roommates. I've been picking up on signs of change from me earlier this week, but now it's all starting to come into play. I'm a HUGE lover for change and like to do random and sparatic things in my life. But, I have also found myself to avoid situations. I used to love going to Wal Mart and Target to get things for the house, and now it almost seems like a hassel and that I want to avoid large crowds at all posssible. So what do I do? I head to the Super Saver off of Cornhusker because I know I won't see anyone I know and can have the ease of getting my things and leaving. Never thought that I would enjoy my alone time as much as I do.

Another thing...I don't know if it's because of my new job that I have taken up, but I just can't last the whole night like I used to a year ago! (Not a 'that's what she said joke) I'm always the first to pass out and peace out on everyone. Why is that? I honestly don't care anymore. I used to have the feeling of "what if I miss out on something" and my mentality now is that "I just want to graduate and move on!" It's a new stepping stone in my life and I think that it's just one of those things you end up finding out about yourself.

The other thing...I went to dinner earlier this week with a couple friends and one happend to be in town for business. Yep, business. She is married now and has a baby and is also the same age as me. It's just so crazy to see how people change so fast! She was telling us how she is in bed by 10 pm every night and never goes out anymore. I found myself being really jealous for some reason. I should be thankful that I am able to "live it up" while I still can and have fun in the moment. It's just weird to see that someone who had to put off college early for their love life looks and seems happier than us who are still in college. I would usually think that I was the lucky one, but that one threw me for a loop. It's weird how your mind changes over time.

I'd say probably back in December I made a decison to sware off men for awhile. No, that does not mean that I went lesbo on everyone, but it was a time where I did not think, speak, or make any of my daily routines around men in any sort. I focused on my photography, painting, running, and doing things for myself. It was probably one of the best things I have ever done and I highly recommend it to anyone who needs a break. I used to have the fear of being alone for the rest of my life! It's completely normal for any woman my age to think that their biological clock is ticking. You see all your friends getting married, having babies, long term relationships, and being with others that make them happy. I was sick of seeing it and litterally thought that if I cannot be happy with myself, then I will never be able to make anyone else happy. That's why I did what I did and I feel like it put me in a good place in life. I am thankful, now, that I don't have what those others have because there is nothing to hold me back from fulfilling my dreams that I have always planned for myself. There is always time to look or try something with someone.

Enough with my social venting. I need to study for my two tests that I have Monday, which means no partying for this girl tonight!

XOXO Callie